wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Randomize
