I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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