Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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