i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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