I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Randomize
