I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
