So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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