More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
