I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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