she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
