I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
where are my eyebrows?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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