What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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