You can't special order awesome
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Sober January is a disaster.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
ok first of all what the fuck
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
