he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
