it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
