there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
