Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
