I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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