Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
