kristin has been a bad kristin
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
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