If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
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