i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
