we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
