Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
