Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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