Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
