I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
