i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
There's always time for handjobs
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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