porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I touched a dick in church today
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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