Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
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Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
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I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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