life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
You've changed since you got that strap on
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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