I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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