I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
