my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Still dying that you shit outside
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
