How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
