so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
