Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
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The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
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There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
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