i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
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