You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
