I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
