My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
