Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
We got so high we made milksteak
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
