you have to choose: penises or morals?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize