hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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