My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
