my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Randomize
