I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
