Well douche your snatch and let's go!
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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