some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
