some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
