i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
