I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Michael Bay diarrhea
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
