Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
This is my gift to your gina
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
