god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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