i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
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