I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
