You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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