I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
