Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
