organizing the empties. That sober.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
